This is a little prompt for our CPR training (NOT the resuscitation kind, this one involves peer editing). I figured I'd post it here, as it is some what of a controversial topic. the prompt will be in quotes and italics.
"In a recent editorial essay, a working mother of four laments being made to feel guilty for not "being there" every minute for her children. She notes, "The school nurse has taken me to task for not being immediately accessible, and my kids--who live in a world where instant gratification has become the norm--complain about my intermittent unreachability. To which I say, hey, deal with it. I'm not cavalier about my mothering responsibilities.... I'm an involved parent. We modern moms and dads are not only expected to make sure our kids are perfectly nourished, endlessly enriched, and absolutely safe at all times: now, with cell phones and pagers, we are also supposed to be instantly reachable and immediately responsive.... We cannot and should not orchestrate every moment in our children's lives for them--partly because the effort turns out to be futile, but more importantly because it prevents our kids from learning skills they need to succeed in the real world. There are times they need to ad lib. There are times they need to wait. There are even times they need to turn to someone else.""
I both agree and disagree with what this mother is saying. We live in an age of electronic luxury, where so many things are made to be easier for us. Cell phones allow us to contact our family and friends at anytime, anywhere. Our TVs make for simple entertainment. Handheld gaming devices make it easier to walk while fighting off virtual monsters. However, even with all that we have, and all that has been made easier for us, it doesn't mean that we get whatever we want when we want it.
This mother of four children knows exactly what that feels like, to have her children demanding her time all the time. Eventually, she will not be there to tend to her children's every whim. Eventually, her children will have grown up and have jobs and will be living out of her house. She can still be there if they really need her, but she can't leave work early because her 25 year old son fell down and got a boo-boo. However, the school nurse is also in the right. If the mother still has small children, around 5 to 6 years old or younger, she does still need to be as accessible as possible to them. Children, babies especially, need to have their parents around so that they have someone they trust to run to, someone to whom they can always look up to. This is not to say that a parent who needs to work needs to be ready to leave early at a moments notice, 24/7. However, they do need to try to be as accessible as they possibly can, in the event that they have no children old enough to play the parent while they are gone, even if it's simply their voice over the phone.
Now, as children get older, they do need to learn to become more and more independent, otherwise they will forever be incompetent in the ways of living on your own. The baby bird must learn to fly and build his own nest, so, too, does a young child need to eventually learn to take care not himself. As the author above said, being there all the time to take care of everything "... prevents our kids from learning skills they need to succeed in the real world." Independence is a key factor to surviving in a world where you can't tell who is genuinely friendly, and who will end up stabbing you in the back once they have what they want from you. The world is cruel, and kids need to learn that their parents will not always be around, eventually their parents will not even be on this earth anymore, and that most people generally don't care about your personal problems very much, as they are dealing with plenty of their own.
Parents have many duties to their children: to shelter, to feed, to protect, to support, to teach, and many others. One of their biggest duties is preparing them for the world, and teaching them how to take care of themselves. Sometimes, the parent needs to be there in order to teach them how to do these things, other times, the child must learn from experience.
However, parents should still try to set aside time out of their day to be with their children. Withdrawing yourself completely is not fair, to them or you, and may teach them the wrong things about life. While teaching them to take care of themselves is essential, teaching them to care for others is just as, if not more than, essential as well. The children are the future of society, and if they feel that a parent is supposed to turn their back on their children, then something is going wrong. If they are complaining about you not being there at all, think about it. You may be telling yourself that you do it to teach them to take care of themselves, but what else are you teaching them? What will they see you as, in the next ten years? How would you feel if they treated their children, your grandchildren, in the same way? How would you feel if they treated you that way? Teach them to care, and to care for themselves and for others, that they may pass those traits on as well, so that we may begin to grow and teach a better and better society with each new generation. While children do need to learn to deal with it in this world, they also need to learn how to help others deal with it, as well.
Now, if there was a set time that either one of the parents would say "we will not be available during this time," I can better understand. However, being available off and on randomly can cause problems, even if it's not the parent. If someone's boss was unreachable at random times, and the employee really need to give them a certain message, problems could ensue from the lack of accessibility of the boss, and not just their relationship with the employee. The same can go the other way around. If the employee needs to come into work earlier, but is unreachable at the times that his boss calls, the employee will likely be closer to losing his job. By being unreachable at random times, you are teaching your child that this how the world works, so it's ok to do it, and they will do it, and they will get in trouble for it. Simply telling them to deal with it will only teach them to say that to their bosses, earning them another step closer to being jobless. If you are going to be unreachable, explain to them when and why, otherwise you will teach them to get into trouble. Children learn from example, and parenting will easily become a big game of "monkey see, monkey do."
Please, don't be randomly unreachable to your children, as they do still need you as a role model, and every little thing you do will be cataloged into their brains as something that they need to do, too. Show them how to care for themselves, don't rely completely on giving them the experience to do so. Experience may be an excellent teacher, but, with any prior knowledge, it could also be the one time where everything goes horribly wrong
"In a recent editorial essay, a working mother of four laments being made to feel guilty for not "being there" every minute for her children. She notes, "The school nurse has taken me to task for not being immediately accessible, and my kids--who live in a world where instant gratification has become the norm--complain about my intermittent unreachability. To which I say, hey, deal with it. I'm not cavalier about my mothering responsibilities.... I'm an involved parent. We modern moms and dads are not only expected to make sure our kids are perfectly nourished, endlessly enriched, and absolutely safe at all times: now, with cell phones and pagers, we are also supposed to be instantly reachable and immediately responsive.... We cannot and should not orchestrate every moment in our children's lives for them--partly because the effort turns out to be futile, but more importantly because it prevents our kids from learning skills they need to succeed in the real world. There are times they need to ad lib. There are times they need to wait. There are even times they need to turn to someone else.""
I both agree and disagree with what this mother is saying. We live in an age of electronic luxury, where so many things are made to be easier for us. Cell phones allow us to contact our family and friends at anytime, anywhere. Our TVs make for simple entertainment. Handheld gaming devices make it easier to walk while fighting off virtual monsters. However, even with all that we have, and all that has been made easier for us, it doesn't mean that we get whatever we want when we want it.
This mother of four children knows exactly what that feels like, to have her children demanding her time all the time. Eventually, she will not be there to tend to her children's every whim. Eventually, her children will have grown up and have jobs and will be living out of her house. She can still be there if they really need her, but she can't leave work early because her 25 year old son fell down and got a boo-boo. However, the school nurse is also in the right. If the mother still has small children, around 5 to 6 years old or younger, she does still need to be as accessible as possible to them. Children, babies especially, need to have their parents around so that they have someone they trust to run to, someone to whom they can always look up to. This is not to say that a parent who needs to work needs to be ready to leave early at a moments notice, 24/7. However, they do need to try to be as accessible as they possibly can, in the event that they have no children old enough to play the parent while they are gone, even if it's simply their voice over the phone.
Now, as children get older, they do need to learn to become more and more independent, otherwise they will forever be incompetent in the ways of living on your own. The baby bird must learn to fly and build his own nest, so, too, does a young child need to eventually learn to take care not himself. As the author above said, being there all the time to take care of everything "... prevents our kids from learning skills they need to succeed in the real world." Independence is a key factor to surviving in a world where you can't tell who is genuinely friendly, and who will end up stabbing you in the back once they have what they want from you. The world is cruel, and kids need to learn that their parents will not always be around, eventually their parents will not even be on this earth anymore, and that most people generally don't care about your personal problems very much, as they are dealing with plenty of their own.
Parents have many duties to their children: to shelter, to feed, to protect, to support, to teach, and many others. One of their biggest duties is preparing them for the world, and teaching them how to take care of themselves. Sometimes, the parent needs to be there in order to teach them how to do these things, other times, the child must learn from experience.
However, parents should still try to set aside time out of their day to be with their children. Withdrawing yourself completely is not fair, to them or you, and may teach them the wrong things about life. While teaching them to take care of themselves is essential, teaching them to care for others is just as, if not more than, essential as well. The children are the future of society, and if they feel that a parent is supposed to turn their back on their children, then something is going wrong. If they are complaining about you not being there at all, think about it. You may be telling yourself that you do it to teach them to take care of themselves, but what else are you teaching them? What will they see you as, in the next ten years? How would you feel if they treated their children, your grandchildren, in the same way? How would you feel if they treated you that way? Teach them to care, and to care for themselves and for others, that they may pass those traits on as well, so that we may begin to grow and teach a better and better society with each new generation. While children do need to learn to deal with it in this world, they also need to learn how to help others deal with it, as well.
Now, if there was a set time that either one of the parents would say "we will not be available during this time," I can better understand. However, being available off and on randomly can cause problems, even if it's not the parent. If someone's boss was unreachable at random times, and the employee really need to give them a certain message, problems could ensue from the lack of accessibility of the boss, and not just their relationship with the employee. The same can go the other way around. If the employee needs to come into work earlier, but is unreachable at the times that his boss calls, the employee will likely be closer to losing his job. By being unreachable at random times, you are teaching your child that this how the world works, so it's ok to do it, and they will do it, and they will get in trouble for it. Simply telling them to deal with it will only teach them to say that to their bosses, earning them another step closer to being jobless. If you are going to be unreachable, explain to them when and why, otherwise you will teach them to get into trouble. Children learn from example, and parenting will easily become a big game of "monkey see, monkey do."
Please, don't be randomly unreachable to your children, as they do still need you as a role model, and every little thing you do will be cataloged into their brains as something that they need to do, too. Show them how to care for themselves, don't rely completely on giving them the experience to do so. Experience may be an excellent teacher, but, with any prior knowledge, it could also be the one time where everything goes horribly wrong